Does Your Dog Fit in the Frame?

When you first thought about adding a dog to your life, you likely envisioned something very different than what you actually experienced. Maybe you pictured a calm, happy dog who’s well-behaved when meeting new people. Perhaps you imagined leisurely walks on the beach at sunset or a well-mannered companion by your side during community events like First Friday downtown.

But what did reality look like when you brought your dog home for the first time—after the excitement of adopting a rescue or getting a puppy wore off?

For most dog owners, the early days can quickly become overwhelming when their dog doesn’t fit into the picture they had imagined. Without clear boundaries, expectations, and training, chaos tends to bubble up. We often have expectations of our dogs but haven’t set the standards or provided the structure needed for them to meet those expectations.

Shaping the Picture

When dogs don’t fit into the frame we’ve created, dog owners usually seek out ways to help them get there. Some turn to YouTube tutorials or friends and family with dog experience. Others call in professional trainers to bridge the communication gap between dog and owner. No matter the route, the common theme is that dogs rarely come to us already shaped into the ideal family companion. It's up to us as their caretakers to manipulate them to fit into that picture.

Now, I know the word "manipulation" might seem harsh, but I’m using it in a positive light. Manipulation, in this case, means shaping and encouraging good behavior while extinguishing bad behavior in clear, consistent, and fair ways. Think of a potter shaping clay on a wheel—this process requires patience and guidance to get the desired result, and it doesn't always turn out how we plan. And if we're frustrated while doing so, it shows negatively in the finished product.

👉 Without intervention, a lump of clay doesn’t become a masterpiece on its own. Similarly, if you don’t actively shape your dog’s behavior in a way that is fair and consistent, it can turn into a chaotic mess.

Tucker’s Story: Adjusting the Frame

Some dogs, like Tucker, come with jagged edges. We adopted him at the beginning of this year, and he had a rough start—no proper socialization, no obedience foundation, and a lot of fear in new situations. He was difficult to handle and would bite or lunge at strangers and anything that made him uncomfortable. It took time, patience, and consistent training to help him move closer to the picture we wanted for him.

Tucker loves to play, but when we first adopted him, he didn't really know how to playfully interact with humans. It took time, but now he loves it and looks forward to our daily play sessions!

But let’s take a moment to discuss the frame we expect our dogs to fit into.

For me and my husband, the frame is one of freedom and well-mannered behavior. We want our dogs to enjoy life with us while being obedient, calm, and friendly when it counts.

However, we’ve also had to adjust the frame to fit the dog in front of us. For example, Tucker loves joining us on adventures, but he’s not a dog who enjoys interacting with strangers in public—and we’re okay with that. We’ve adjusted our expectations to suit his personality. He can come with us, but we'll advocate for him when strangers try to enter his space. This is a good reminder that not all dogs want to be touched by strangers and that should be respected.

Are Your Expectations Realistic?

If your frame is too narrow and demands that your dog behave like a robot—never making mistakes, never showing personality—you’re setting yourself up for frustration.

When choosing a dog—whether a puppy, a rescue, or an older dog with a challenging past—you need to ensure that:

✔️ Your expectations align with the dog in front of you.

✔️ Your lifestyle supports the work required to shape that dog.

Take the Malinois, for example. These dogs are often portrayed in media as highly driven, loyal, and obedient, but the reality is that achieving that level of obedience and behavior requires an immense amount of training. It’s not something that happens by chance. And quality and care in breeding matters. Many people get Malinois or other high-drive breeds without considering the commitment required to mold them into what they see on TV. And when they don't fit into the frame, they end up surrendered to shelters or euthanized because they were unintentionally shaped into a dangerous animal.

As a trainer, I can’t make your dog fit into an unrealistic frame. If you’ve painted a picture of the perfect dog without considering the work it takes to shape that dog, you’ll likely feel let down.

👉 Training is a long-term commitment. Set realistic expectations and create a plan to help your dog fit into the frame of the life you envision—while also making sure that frame is flexible enough to fit them. Ready to create a plan that sets realistic expectations and helps you enjoy life with your dog? Let's chat about the best training option for you! Whether you prefer a Done-for-You program—where we train your dog to fit your lifestyle and you maintain the results—or a Do-It-Yourself approach, where you take the lead with our guidance, we have something for every need. We also offer hybrid programs that give you the best of both worlds, laying the groundwork and teaching you how to continue the training at home. Schedule a free consultation call today!